If They Could See Me Now…

I wonder what they’d do. Kick me out? Reprimand me for laying my clothes out on the grass to dry in the sun? Or, would it be that I am using the reading room to type?

I just find it fascinating that I am asking the questions at Sri Audibindo’s Ashram, Park Guest House.

When I first arrived two days ago I was in utter bliss. I couldn’t believe that this place was right on the ocean, and quiet, and Sir Audibino and The Mother’s collective! I had struck gold. I was asked to read the rules, to make sure I could agree to them. Some being:

No Visitors - I knew no one here.
No Alcohol or Smoking- Easy
Doors close by 10:30pm- Looking forward to maintaining a trekking schedule of early to bed, early to rise
Check out by 12pm- Can’t imagine that is a problem

I agreed and was shown my room: Third floor, balcony that face the ocean and sunrise, while remain private to other guests. I could do yoga here! I could do yoga naked here (sorry if that was TMI). I am in bliss. I got my things in. Took a rinse of the sticky sweat shower and felt refreshed for 3 minutes. Headed to the canteen (as they closed in 10 minutes) for some dinner. Had a delicious lassi and edible noodles (top roman style) with ‘cheese’ on top, then dashed outside to walk along the beach front. I returned before curfew, read about allowing the body to rest just before sleep (one of many informative notices adorning the walls) and enjoyed a heavenly sleep with windows open as to be lulled by the crashing waves in my room dubbed, “integrity”.

The next day the ashram atmosphere continued to awe me. As I walked around the garden and grounds, I began to read the many stones, notices, or art that invited me to be calm, tranquil, and learn.

In the meditation room:
What do I need to learn? What do I need to change? How can I take what I have and transform it into growth?

In the canteen:
Food is an integral part of our nourishment. Chew slowly and give mindfulness to what the food is providing for your body. Control your food. Allow the sniff of flowers to nourish the body too.

In the stairway:
You could just see the stairs as something you must go up and down. Yet allow yourself to feel the body’s ability and strength grow with every step you take.

In the garden:
The grass love’s your feet. Open yourself to the garden’s influence….Stop in it…observe..identify..grow…let each step be a revelation.


Here I was surrounded by knowledge, and I began to feel uplifted and inspired to be my true self!

I passed the afternoon in my room and garden reading. It was glorious. That afternoon I went out to explore Pondicherry and find one of the scrumdilicious French restaurants I had heard so much about. I returned just before 7pm with excited about attending the Transgender Festival being held the next night. I went to ask permission, that if the bus returned later than the stated 10:30, would they let me in?

NO

I received this answer from reception while he busied himself with his cell phone. Deflated, I tried to ask if there were somewhere-

NO

This time cutting me off mid sentence and still not giving me the common decency to pretend to be paying me any attention.

“Um, I was about to ask.”

YOU ARE NOT UNDERSTANDING? NO. THAT IS THE RULE. THE DOORS WILL NOT OPEN FOR YOU. THE ANSWER IS NO AND IT WILL NOT CHANGE FOR YOU. UNDERSTAND?

I understood that I was getting upset. I understood that he was being rude. And I could not understand how this was happening at an ASHRAM for goodness sake.

I ridiculously got on my teacher self and tried to school him in some cell phone etiquette and reception manners. Waste of time.

The next morning, I went to inquire about renting a bicycle.

Would you like a two wheeler?

My mind froze, as I was unsure if this was humor or if they offered tricycles for the balance challenged.

Hello madam. Two wheeler or bicycle? Do you know what you want? Today only? I am asking you which you prefer…

He -different reception dude- continued in the rapid fire questioning for sometime, and after attempting to get in an answer twice I shut my two fine lips together in meditative closure. Finally, when it seemed he had used all his breathe, I ventured to state that I thought the sign read they did not offer scooters, IF that was what he was referring to when asking me about a two wheeler, as if it matter to him, bicycles also have two wheels.

By now I was wondering if the receptions folks are trained in anti-ashram practices in order to push guests to the limits of mind over body power, as I was feeling the tinge to kick him in the shins- accidentally of course.

At check out time, I brought my required blue card that I was instructed to have give and key. They took nor looked at either. I saw a place for the key labeled “checking out”, yet nothing for the card, so I left it on the counter. I waited patiently for either the woman or man to look up at me, and after a minute finally asked if there was a place I could leave my bag for the next hour.

NO

Unashamedly, I asked if there was a place to leave my clothes to hang and dry- fully knowing the answer, yet wondering how many negative replies I could get without eye contact.

NO

Could I ask the bellboy guys to keep it? Could I type on my computer in the lounge? May I still order something from the canteen now that I had checked out? Was I now considered a visitor? Did I have access to the garden anymore? Did they notice any of the teachings? Were they believers? Do you even like people?

And as Amy Winehouse sang:

NO. NO. NO.

Okay, I didn’t ask any of those last questions…because I didn’t want to hear the answer. Especially after the bell boy tried to put my bag behind his desk, and we both got denied, again.

So instead, I followed my inner voice and went straight to the canteen and ordered a coffee. Asked for some ice (got initial NOs here, yet I knew their hearts weren’t black and smiled and explained). And made (definitely to the shocked of the canteen workers) an iced coffee to calm my nerves. Then I went and laid my clothes out on the grass to dry (far from the eyes of reception) and am presently sitting in the ‘reading’ room typing away. I wonder what they do if they could see me (and my underwear) now.

Why? Because I say:

YES. YES. YES.